Intimate relationship

"Intimacy" redirects here. For other uses, see Intimacy (disambiguation).

"Sexual relationship" redirects here. For sexual relationships between non-human animals, see Mating system.

An intimate relationship is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional intimacy.^[1] Although an intimate relationship is commonly a sexual relationship,^[2] it may also be a non-sexual relationship involving family or friends.^[2][3]

Emotional intimacy is an essential aspect of a healthy relationship^{[clarification needed]}.^[4] Feelings of liking or loving may prompt physical intimacy. However, emotional intimacy may or may not be present alongside physical intimacy depending on the relationship. Physical intimacy is characterized by romantic love, sexual activity, or other passionate attachment.^[1] Relationships of this nature play a central role in the overall human experience.^[5] People desire to belong and to love, desires that can be satisfied within an intimate relationship.^[6] Such relationships allow a social network for people to form strong emotional attachments.^[3][5]

Intimacy

Intimacy involves the feeling of being in a close, personal association and of belonging together.^[7] It is a familiar and very close affective connection with another as a result of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other.^[7] Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability, and reciprocity.^[7]

 

Bonding between a mother and child.

In human relationships, the meaning of and level of intimacy varies within and between relationships.^[7] In anthropological research, intimacy is considered the product of a successful seduction, a process of rapport-building that enables parties to confidently disclose previously hidden thoughts and feelings. Intimate conversations become the basis for "confidences" (secret knowledge) that bind people together.^[8]

Sexual relations and moments of intimacy often decline significantly after the delivery of a newborn.^[9] Studies show that extreme sleep deprivation is the most common response from women on why they are less sexually active with their spouse.^[10] Due to lack of sleep and the obligations of taking care of the baby, sexual intimacy becomes a lower priority.^[9] Women viewed themselves as being unattractive, not because their spouse expressed this. Still, they are uncomfortable with the appearance of their changed body.^[9] Only 5% of partners stated that their sexual relations were more frequent post childbirth.^[11] Some women viewed sexual relations as important for their marriage regardless of their level of desire.^[9] A breast-feeding mother forms a strong emotional bond between her and baby. Many times, the mother's emotional needs are met through this experience.^[9] This can cause the husband to feel less connected to his wife.^[10]

Sustaining intimacy over time involves well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness. Intimacy involves the ability to be both separate and together as participants in an intimate relationship. Murray Bowen called this "self-differentiation". It results in a connection in which there is an emotional range involving both robust conflict and intense loyalty.^[12] One who lacks the ability to differentiate oneself from the other experiences symbiosis. This state that is different from intimacy, although the feelings of closeness are similar.^{[citation needed]}

Intimate behavior joins family members and close friends, as well as those in love.^[2] It evolves through reciprocal self-disclosure and candor.^[7] Poor skills in developing intimacy can lead one to get too close too quickly—struggling to find the boundary and to sustain connection, being poorly skilled as a friend, rejecting self-disclosure, or even rejecting friendships and those who have them.^[13] Adults who have difficulty in forming and maintaining intimate relationships suffer psychological consequences. People often experience the limitations^[vague] of their partners, and develop a fear of adverse consequences of disrupted intimate relationships. Studies show that fear of intimacy is negatively related to comfort with emotional closeness and with relationship satisfaction, and positively related to loneliness and trait anxiety.^[14]

The interdependence model of Levinger and Snoek divides the development of an intimate relationship into four stages:^[15]

1. zero contact stage, in which is no contact between the two parties in the relationship
2. awareness, which means the parties do not have any superficial or deep contact with each other, but only know each other
3. surface contact, in which both parties know each other and have had superficial contact
4. coexistence phase (mutuality), refers to mutual dependence having greatly increased, as well as deep contact existing

Scholars distinguish between different forms of intimacy, including physical, emotional, cognitive, or spiritual intimacy:^[16][17]

 

Holding hands is an example of affective intimacy between humans.

• Physical intimacy can include being inside someone's personal space, holding hands, hugging, kissing, heavy petting, or other sexual activity.^{[citation needed]}
• Emotional intimacy, particularly in sexual relationships, typically develops after a certain level of trust has been reached and personal bonds have been established.^[7] The emotional connection of "falling in love", however, has both a biochemical dimension driven through reactions in the body stimulated by sexual attraction (PEA, phenylethylamine),^[18] and a social dimension driven by conversation that follows regular physical closeness or sexual union.^[19] Love is an important factor in emotional intimacy. It is qualitatively and quantitatively different from liking, and the difference is not merely in the presence or absence of sexual attraction. There are three types of love in a relationship:^[20]
  1. Sacrificial love reflects the subsumption of the individual self-will within a union.
  2. Companionate love involves diminished potent feelings of attachment, an authentic and enduring bond, a sense of mutual commitment, the profound feeling of mutual caring, feeling proud of a mate's accomplishments, and the satisfaction that comes from sharing goals and perspective.
  3. Passionate love is marked by infatuation, intense preoccupation with the partner, throes of ecstasy, and feelings of exhilaration that come from being reunited with the partner.
• Cognitive or intellectual intimacy takes place when two people exchange thoughts, share ideas, and enjoy similarities and differences between their opinions.^[17][21]
• Spiritual intimacy involves bonding over spirituality.^[17]

Melville Dalton discussed how anthropologists and ethnographic researchers access "inside information" from within a particular cultural setting by establishing networks of intimates capable (and willing) to provide information unobtainable through formal channels.^[22]

Research

Empirical research

The introduction of empirical investigations in 1898 was a major revolution in social analysis.^[23] A study conducted by Monroe examined the traits and habits of children in selecting a friend. Some of the attributes included in the study were kindness, cheerfulness, and honesty.^[5] Monroe asked 2336 children aged 7 to 16 to identify "what kind of chum do you like best?" The results of the study indicated that children preferred a friend who was their own age, of the same sex, of the same physical size, with light features (hair and eyes), who did not engage in conflict, who was kind to animals and humans, and who was honest. Two characteristics that children reported as least important included wealth and religion.^[5]

That study was the first to mark the significant shift in the study of intimate relationships from analysis that was primarily philosophical to those with empirical validity.^[5] It marked the beginning of relationship science.^[5] In the years following Monroe's study, few similar studies were done. There were limited studies done on children's friendships, courtship and marriages, and families in the 1930s but few relationship studies were conducted before or during World War II.^[23] Intimate relationships did not become a broad focus of research again until the 1960s and 1970s when many relationship studies were published.^[5]

Other studies

 

Personal intimate relationships may be crowned with marriage.

The study of intimate relationships uses participants from diverse groups and examines topics that include family relations, friendships, and romantic relationships, usually over a long period.^[5] Studies include both positive and negative or unpleasant aspects of relationships.^{[citation needed]}

John Gottman and his colleagues invited married couples into a pleasant setting, and asked them to revisit the disagreement that caused their last argument. Although the participants were aware that they were being videotaped, they soon become so absorbed in their own interaction that they forgot they were being recorded. With the second-by-second analysis of observable reactions as well as emotional ones, Gottman can predict with 93% accuracy the fate of the couples' relationship.^[24]

Terri Orbuch and Joseph Veroff monitored newlywed couples using self-reports over a long period (a longitudinal study). Participants were required to provide extensive reports about the natures and the statuses of their relationships. Although many of the marriages ended since the beginning of the study, this type of relationship study allows researchers to track marriages from start to finish by conducting follow-up interviews with the participants in order to determine which factors are associated with marriages that last and which with those that do not. Though the field of relationship science is still relatively young, research conducted by researchers from different disciplines continues to broaden the field.^[25]

Evidence points to contextual factors that can impact intimate relationships. In a study on the impact of Hurricane Katrina on marital and partner relationships, researchers found that while many reported negative changes in their relationships, a number also experienced positive changes. Environmental stressors (for example, unemployment, prolonged separation) negatively impacted intimate relationships for many couples, though other couples' relationships grew stronger as a result of new employment opportunities, a greater sense of perspective, and higher levels of communication and support.^[26] As a result, environmental factors are understood to contribute to the strength of intimate relationships.^{[citation needed]}

A Northwestern University research team summarized the literature in 2013, finding that "negative-affect reciprocity" – retaliatory negativity between partners during a conflict – is arguably the most robust predictor of poor marital quality. However, this degradation can be softened (according to their 120 heterosexual couple Chicago sample) by undertaking a reappraisal writing task every four months.^[27]

One study suggests that married straight couples and cohabiting gay and lesbian couples in long-term intimate relationships may pick up each other's unhealthy^{[when defined as?]} habits. The study reports three distinct findings showing how unhealthy habits are promoted in long-term intimate relationships: through the direct bad influence of one partner, through synchronicity of health habits, and through the notion of personal responsibility.^{[further explanation needed][28]}

 

Men kissing intimately.

Some research indicates that pornography is a possible source of education about sex and relationships. In the absence of inclusive same-sex relationship education in traditional sources (i.e., schools, parents, friends, and mainstream media), gay pornography may be used by men who have sex with men as a source of information about intimacy, while serving its main purpose as a masturbatory aid.^[29] A 2020 study indicated that gay pornography depicts both physical (kissing, cuddling, affectionate touch, and genital touch before and after sex) and verbal intimacy (compliments, personal disclosure, and expressions of care). Most forms of physical and verbal intimacy occurred before or during sex, with intimacy being least evident post-sex.^[30]

History

Ancient philosophers: Aristotle

Over 2,300 years ago, Aristotle examined interpersonal relationships.^[31] He wrote: "One person is a friend to another if he is friendly to the other and the other is friendly to him in return"^[32] Aristotle believed that by nature humans are social beings.^[33] He proposed that there are three varieties of relationships: those based on utility, on pleasure, and on virtue.^[34] People are attracted to relationships that provide utility because of the assistance and sense of belonging that they provide. In relationships based on pleasure, people are attracted to the feelings of pleasantness when the parties engage. However, relationships based on utility and pleasure may be short-lived if the benefits provided by one of the partners are not reciprocated.^[34] Relationships based on virtue are built on an attraction to each other's virtuous character.^[34]

Aristotle also suggested that relationships based on virtue would be the longest lasting and that virtue-based relationships were the only type of relationship in which each partner was liked for themselves.^[34] The philosophical analysis used by Aristotle dominated the analysis of intimate relationships until the late 1880s.^[23]

1880s to early 1900s

 

Emperor Pedro II of Brazil and his wife Teresa Cristina in Petrópolis, 1887

Modern psychology and sociology began to emerge in the late 19th century. During this time theorists often examined relationships in the course of their research.^[23] Freud wrote about parent–child relationships and their effect on personality development.^[6] He proposed that people's childhood experiences are transferred or passed on into adult relationships by means of feelings and expectations.^[23] Freud also founded the idea that individuals usually seek out marital partners who are similar to their opposite-sex parent.^[23]

In 1891, William James wrote that a person's self-concept is defined by the relationships endured with others.^[6] In 1897, Émile Durkheim's interest in social organization led to the examination of social isolation and alienation.^[6] Durkheim argued that being socially isolated was a key antecedent of suicide.^[6] The darker side of relationships and the negative consequences associated with social isolation were what Durkheim labeled as anomie.^[23] Georg Simmel wrote about dyads, or partnerships with two people.^[5] He suggested that dyads require consent and engagement of both partners to maintain the relationship but noted that the relationship can be ended by the initiation of only one partner.^[23] Although the theorists mentioned above sought support for their theories, their primary contributions to the study of intimate relationships were conceptual and not empirically grounded.^[5]

1960s and 1970s

An important shift took place in the field of social psychology that influenced the research of intimate relationships. Until the late 1950s, the majority of studies were non-experimental.^[23] By the end of the 1960s more than half of the articles published involved some sort of experimental study.^[23] The 1960s were also a time when there was a shift in methodology within the psychological discipline. Participants consisted mostly of college students, experimental methods and research were being conducted in laboratories, and the experimental method was the dominant methodology in social psychology.^[23] Experimental manipulation within the research of intimate relationships demonstrated that relationships could be studied scientifically.^[5] This shift brought relationship science to the attention of scholars in other disciplines and resulted in the study of intimate relationships being an international multidiscipline.^[5]

1980s to 2000s

In the early 1980s the first conference of the International Network of Personal Relationships (INPR) was held. Approximately 300 researchers from all over the world attended the conference.^[23] In March 1984, the first Journal of Social and Personal Relationships was published.^[23] In the early 1990s the INPR split off into two groups; in April 2004 the two organizations rejoined and became the International Association for Relationship Research (IARR).^[5]

Donald Nathanson, a psychiatrist who built his study of human interactions off of the work of Silvan Tomkins, argues that an intimate relationship between two individuals is best when the couple agrees to maximize positive affect, minimize negative affect and allow for the free expression of affect. These findings were based on Tomkin's blueprint for emotional health, which also emphasizes doing as much of the maximizing, minimizing, and expressing as possible.^[35]

In 1993, Match.com was the first dating-facilitation website to launch.^{[citation needed]} A high correlation existed between those that are computer literate and a tendency to attempt online dating, due to the new development of the internet.^[36] In 2004, Guinness World Records called Match.com the largest dating site in the world, citing more than 42 million people having signed up for its services.^[37]

2010s to 2020s

In 2016, there were an estimated 240 million dating app users; as of 2021 that number rose to around 323 million users worldwide, with the Covid 19 pandemic as a contributor.^[38] Even though there has been rapid growth of users, there have been many reports of negative effects of dating apps. The intention of dating app usage varies between each individual.^[39] For example, a study of Grindr users detected their reasons for using that dating site. The final report concluded that 67.2% of users were interested in finding a dating companion while 62.1% of users desired casual sex.^[40] The risk for sexually transmitted disease increases significantly for individuals who participate in casual sex.^[41] A sexual assault researcher from the Associate Dean of Brigham Young University College of Nursing notes that there were around 2,000 reported sexual assaults from dating apps^{[clarification needed]} over the course of three years.^[42] Many of those cases were due to catfishing, which is when one party pretends to be someone else.^[43] Studies to determine the effects of online dating on mental health found that there is an increase of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem in users.^[44] Regardless of the negative outcomes, the convenience of dating apps suggests that they are here to stay.^[39]

See also

• Affection
• Dating
• Free union
• Human sexuality
• Limerence
• Love
• Loving kindness
• Marriage
• Monogamy
• Outline of relationships
• Parenting
• Polyamory
• Polygamy
• Power and control in abusive intimate relationships
• Relationship status
• Romantic friendship
• Social connection

Terms for members of intimate relationships

• Back-up partner (Hanzi:備胎對象)
• Boyfriend / Girlfriend
• Companion
• Concubine
• Confidant or confidante
• Life partner
• Lover
• Mistress
• Partner
• Sexual partner
• Significant other
• Spouse

References

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External links

 

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• International Association for Relationship Research