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Mistress (lover)

April 10, 2023

"Side piece" redirects here. For the Jack Harlow song, see Come Home the Kids Miss You.

A mistress is a woman who is in a relatively long-term sexual and romantic relationship with someone who is married to a different person.[1][2]

Madame de Pompadour, mistress of Louis XV of France, circa 1756

Description

See also: Sugar baby

A mistress is in a long-term relationship with a person who is married to someone else, and is often referred to as "the other woman". Generally, the relationship is stable and at least semi-permanent, but the couple do not live together openly. The relationship is often, but not always, secret. There is often also the implication that the mistress is sometimes "kept" – i.e. her lover is paying her living expenses.[3]

Historically the term "mistress" denoted a "kept woman", who was maintained in a comfortable, or even lavish, lifestyle by a wealthy man so that she would be available for his sexual pleasure. Such a woman could move between the roles of a mistress and a courtesan depending on her situation and environment. Whereas the word "lover" was used when the illicit female partner was married to another man.

In modern contexts, the word "mistress" is used primarily to refer to the female lover, married or unmarried, of a person who is married to another woman, without the kept woman aspects. In the case of an unmarried man, "mistress" is not usually used. Instead, when the woman is unmarried, it is common to speak of a "girlfriend" or a "partner", and when the woman is married, she is called his "lover".

The term "mistress" was originally used as the neutral feminine counterpart to "mister" or "master". In referring to those of higher social status, it meant the woman married to the owner, or renter, of the house, and was a term of deferential respect.[4]

History

 
Domitila de Castro, long-term mistress of Emperor Pedro I of Brazil

The historically best known and most-researched mistresses are the royal mistresses of European monarchs, for example, Agnès Sorel, Diane de Poitiers, Barbara Villiers, Nell Gwyn and Madame de Pompadour.[5] The keeping of a mistress in Europe was not confined to royalty and nobility, but permeated down through the social ranks, essentially to any man who could afford to do so. Any man who could afford a mistress could have one (or more), regardless of social position. A wealthy merchant or a young noble might have had a kept woman. Being a mistress was typically an occupation for a younger woman who, if she were fortunate, might go on to marry her lover or another man of rank.[6]

The ballad "The Three Ravens" (published in 1611, but possibly older) extolls the loyal mistress of a slain knight, who buries her dead lover and then dies of the exertion, as she was in an advanced stage of pregnancy. The ballad-maker assigned this role to the knight's mistress ("leman" was the term common at the time) rather than to his wife.[7][8]

In the courts of Europe, particularly Versailles and Whitehall in the 17th and 18th centuries, a mistress often wielded great power and influence. A king might have numerous mistresses, but have a single "favourite mistress" or "official mistress" (in French, maîtresse en titre), as with Louis XV and Madame de Pompadour. The mistresses of both Louis XV (especially Madame de Pompadour) and Charles II were often considered to exert great influence over their lovers, the relationships being open secrets.[9] Other than wealthy merchants and kings, Alexander VI is but one example of a Pope who kept mistresses.[10] While the extremely wealthy might keep a mistress for life (as George II of Great Britain did with "Mrs Howard", even after they were no longer romantically linked), such was not the case for most kept women.[11]

In 1736, when George II was newly ascendant, Henry Fielding (in Pasquin) has his Lord Place say, "[...] but, miss, every one now keeps and is kept; there are no such things as marriages now-a-days, unless merely Smithfield contracts, and that for the support of families; but then the husband and wife both take into keeping within a fortnight".[12]

Occasionally the mistress is in a superior position both financially and socially to her lover. As a widow, Catherine the Great was known to have been involved with several successive men during her reign; but, like many powerful women of her era, in spite of being a widow free to marry, she chose not to share her power with a husband, preferring to maintain absolute power alone.[13]

In literature, D. H. Lawrence's 1928 novel Lady Chatterley's Lover portrays a situation where a woman becomes the mistress of her husband's gamekeeper.[14] Until recently, a woman's taking a socially inferior lover was considered much more shocking than the reverse situation.

20th century

As divorce became more socially acceptable, it was easier for men to divorce their wives and marry the women who, in earlier years, might have been their mistresses. The practice of having a mistress continued among some married men, especially the wealthy. Occasionally, men married their mistresses. The late Sir James Goldsmith, on marrying his mistress, Lady Annabel Birley, declared, "When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy".[15]

Male equivalent

"Paramour" is sometimes used, but this term can apply to either partner in an illicit relationship, so it is not exclusively male. If the man is being financially supported, especially by a wealthy older woman, he is a "sugar baby", "kept man" or "toyboy".

In 18th and 19th-century Italy, the terms cicisbeo and cavalier servente were used to describe a man who was the professed gallant and lover of a married woman. Another word that has been used for a male mistress is gigolo, though this carries connotations of brief duration and expectation of payment, i.e. prostitution.[citation needed]

In literature

 
William Hogarth's A Harlot's Progress, plate 2, from 1731 showing Moll Hackabout as a mistress

In both John Cleland's 1748 novel Fanny Hill and Daniel Defoe's 1722 Moll Flanders, as well as in countless novels of feminine peril, the distinction between a "kept woman" and a prostitute is all-important.[16][17]

Apologists for the practice of mistresses referred to the practice in the ancient Near East of keeping a concubine; they frequently quoted verses from the Old Testament to show that mistress-keeping was an ancient practice that was, if not acceptable, at least understandable.[18] John Dryden, in Annus Mirabilis, suggested that the king's keeping of mistresses and production of bastards was a result of his abundance of generosity and spirit.[19] In its more sinister form, the theme of being "kept" is never far from the surface in novels about women as victims in the 18th century in England, whether in the novels of Eliza Haywood or Samuel Richardson (whose heroines in Pamela and Clarissa are both put in a position of being threatened with sexual degradation and being reduced to the status of a kept object).[20]

With the Romantics of the early 19th century, the subject of "keeping" becomes more problematic, in that a non-marital sexual union can occasionally be celebrated as a woman's free choice and a noble alternative. Mary Ann Evans (better known as George Eliot) defiantly lived "in sin" with a married man, partially as a sign of her independence of middle-class morality. Her independence required that she not be "kept".[21][22]

See also

References

Citations

  1. ^ "Mistress definition and meaning | Collins English Dictionary". www.collinsdictionary.com. Retrieved 20 August 2020.
  2. ^ "MISTRESS | definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary". dictionary.cambridge.org. Retrieved 20 August 2020.
  3. ^ "Oxford English Dictionary On-line". https://www.oed.com/view/Entry/102971?rskey=uFRXBr&result=2&isAdvanced=false. Oxford University Press. Retrieved 17 March 2023. {{cite web}}: External link in |website= (help)
  4. ^ The Free Dictionary. "Mistress". Retrieved 6 May 2012.
  5. ^ Derrick, Kiri (21 April 2011). "Top 10 Philandering English Monarchs". Retrieved 6 May 2012.
  6. ^ Ives, Eric. "Marrying for Love: The Experience of Edward IV and Henry VIII". Retrieved 6 May 2012.
  7. ^ Palermo, Martin. "The Three Ravens". Retrieved 6 May 2012.
  8. ^ Housman, John E. (1952). British Popular Ballads. Ayer Publishing. pp. 105–106.
  9. ^ Herman, Eleanor (2005). Sex with Kings: 500 Years of Adultery, Power, Rivalry and Revenge. HarperCollins. p. 9.
  10. ^ Williams, George L. (11 August 2004). Papal Genealogy: The Families and Descendants of the Popes. McFarland. p. 76. ISBN 978-0-7864-2071-1.
  11. ^ Pope, Alexander (1871). The works: including several hundred unpublished letters, and other new materials, Volume 7. Murray. p. 106.
  12. ^ Fielding, Henry (1824). The works of Henry Fielding, with a life of the author, Volume 3. Richards and Co. p. 302.
  13. ^ Johnson Lewis, Jone. "Catherine the Great". Retrieved 6 May 2012.
  14. ^ The Literature Network. "Lady Chatterley's Lover". Retrieved 6 May 2012.
  15. ^ Rees, Nigel (ed.) Cassell Companion to Quotations (1997) ISBN 0-304-34848-1. There is some dispute about the exact wording. man is not allowed to marry his mistress_5100 Quotesmith[dead link] has it as: "When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity". in the National Review (1 September 1997) says this:

    Women adored him and he adored women. He married three times and had numerous mistresses. (Yet another Jimmyism: 'When you marry your mistress you create a job vacancy.') He was loyal, in his own way, to all of them, and all of them were loyal to him. He had eight children by four different women, and never have I seen a more closely knit family.
  16. ^ Cleland, John (1986). Fanny Hill: Or, Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure. Penguin Classics. ISBN 0-14-043249-3.
  17. ^ BookRags. Moll Flanders | Research & Encyclopedia Articles. Retrieved 7 May 2012.
  18. ^ Baker, D.L. (2009). Tight Fists Or Open Hands?: Wealth and Poverty in Old Testament Law. Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing. pp. 151–160. ISBN 9780802862839.
  19. ^ Dryden, John. . Archived from the original on 10 April 2012. Retrieved 7 May 2012.
  20. ^ Richardson, Samuel (1755). A collection of the moral and instructive A collection of the moral and instructive sentiments, maxims, cautions, and reflexions, contained in the histories of Pamela, Clarissa, and Sir Charles Grandison. Printed for S. Richardson; and sold by C. Hitch and L. Hawes.
  21. ^ Hughes, Annika M. "Mary Ann Evans and George Eliot: One Woman" (PDF). Retrieved 7 May 2012.
  22. ^ Liukkonen, Petri. . Books and Writers (kirjasto.sci.fi). Finland: Kuusankoski Public Library. Archived from the original on 13 March 2012.

Sources

Books

Further reading

April 10, 2023
mistress, lover, side, piece, redirects, here, jack, harlow, song, come, home, kids, miss, examples, perspective, this, article, deal, primarily, with, england, france, represent, worldwide, view, subject, improve, this, article, discuss, issue, talk, page, cr. Side piece redirects here For the Jack Harlow song see Come Home the Kids Miss You The examples and perspective in this article deal primarily with England and France and do not represent a worldwide view of the subject You may improve this article discuss the issue on the talk page or create a new article as appropriate March 2020 Learn how and when to remove this template message A mistress is a woman who is in a relatively long term sexual and romantic relationship with someone who is married to a different person 1 2 Madame de Pompadour mistress of Louis XV of France circa 1756 Contents 1 Description 2 History 2 1 20th century 3 Male equivalent 4 In literature 5 See also 6 References 6 1 Citations 6 2 Sources 7 Further readingDescription EditSee also Sugar baby A mistress is in a long term relationship with a person who is married to someone else and is often referred to as the other woman Generally the relationship is stable and at least semi permanent but the couple do not live together openly The relationship is often but not always secret There is often also the implication that the mistress is sometimes kept i e her lover is paying her living expenses 3 Historically the term mistress denoted a kept woman who was maintained in a comfortable or even lavish lifestyle by a wealthy man so that she would be available for his sexual pleasure Such a woman could move between the roles of a mistress and a courtesan depending on her situation and environment Whereas the word lover was used when the illicit female partner was married to another man In modern contexts the word mistress is used primarily to refer to the female lover married or unmarried of a person who is married to another woman without the kept woman aspects In the case of an unmarried man mistress is not usually used Instead when the woman is unmarried it is common to speak of a girlfriend or a partner and when the woman is married she is called his lover The term mistress was originally used as the neutral feminine counterpart to mister or master In referring to those of higher social status it meant the woman married to the owner or renter of the house and was a term of deferential respect 4 History Edit Eugene Delacroix s c 1825 painting Louis d Orleans Showing His Mistress Domitila de Castro long term mistress of Emperor Pedro I of Brazil The historically best known and most researched mistresses are the royal mistresses of European monarchs for example Agnes Sorel Diane de Poitiers Barbara Villiers Nell Gwyn and Madame de Pompadour 5 The keeping of a mistress in Europe was not confined to royalty and nobility but permeated down through the social ranks essentially to any man who could afford to do so Any man who could afford a mistress could have one or more regardless of social position A wealthy merchant or a young noble might have had a kept woman Being a mistress was typically an occupation for a younger woman who if she were fortunate might go on to marry her lover or another man of rank 6 The ballad The Three Ravens published in 1611 but possibly older extolls the loyal mistress of a slain knight who buries her dead lover and then dies of the exertion as she was in an advanced stage of pregnancy The ballad maker assigned this role to the knight s mistress leman was the term common at the time rather than to his wife 7 8 In the courts of Europe particularly Versailles and Whitehall in the 17th and 18th centuries a mistress often wielded great power and influence A king might have numerous mistresses but have a single favourite mistress or official mistress in French maitresse en titre as with Louis XV and Madame de Pompadour The mistresses of both Louis XV especially Madame de Pompadour and Charles II were often considered to exert great influence over their lovers the relationships being open secrets 9 Other than wealthy merchants and kings Alexander VI is but one example of a Pope who kept mistresses 10 While the extremely wealthy might keep a mistress for life as George II of Great Britain did with Mrs Howard even after they were no longer romantically linked such was not the case for most kept women 11 In 1736 when George II was newly ascendant Henry Fielding in Pasquin has his Lord Place say but miss every one now keeps and is kept there are no such things as marriages now a days unless merely Smithfield contracts and that for the support of families but then the husband and wife both take into keeping within a fortnight 12 Occasionally the mistress is in a superior position both financially and socially to her lover As a widow Catherine the Great was known to have been involved with several successive men during her reign but like many powerful women of her era in spite of being a widow free to marry she chose not to share her power with a husband preferring to maintain absolute power alone 13 In literature D H Lawrence s 1928 novel Lady Chatterley s Lover portrays a situation where a woman becomes the mistress of her husband s gamekeeper 14 Until recently a woman s taking a socially inferior lover was considered much more shocking than the reverse situation 20th century Edit As divorce became more socially acceptable it was easier for men to divorce their wives and marry the women who in earlier years might have been their mistresses The practice of having a mistress continued among some married men especially the wealthy Occasionally men married their mistresses The late Sir James Goldsmith on marrying his mistress Lady Annabel Birley declared When you marry your mistress you create a job vacancy 15 Male equivalent Edit Paramour is sometimes used but this term can apply to either partner in an illicit relationship so it is not exclusively male If the man is being financially supported especially by a wealthy older woman he is a sugar baby kept man or toyboy In 18th and 19th century Italy the terms cicisbeo and cavalier servente were used to describe a man who was the professed gallant and lover of a married woman Another word that has been used for a male mistress is gigolo though this carries connotations of brief duration and expectation of payment i e prostitution citation needed In literature Edit William Hogarth s A Harlot s Progress plate 2 from 1731 showing Moll Hackabout as a mistress In both John Cleland s 1748 novel Fanny Hill and Daniel Defoe s 1722 Moll Flanders as well as in countless novels of feminine peril the distinction between a kept woman and a prostitute is all important 16 17 Apologists for the practice of mistresses referred to the practice in the ancient Near East of keeping a concubine they frequently quoted verses from the Old Testament to show that mistress keeping was an ancient practice that was if not acceptable at least understandable 18 John Dryden in Annus Mirabilis suggested that the king s keeping of mistresses and production of bastards was a result of his abundance of generosity and spirit 19 In its more sinister form the theme of being kept is never far from the surface in novels about women as victims in the 18th century in England whether in the novels of Eliza Haywood or Samuel Richardson whose heroines in Pamela and Clarissa are both put in a position of being threatened with sexual degradation and being reduced to the status of a kept object 20 With the Romantics of the early 19th century the subject of keeping becomes more problematic in that a non marital sexual union can occasionally be celebrated as a woman s free choice and a noble alternative Mary Ann Evans better known as George Eliot defiantly lived in sin with a married man partially as a sign of her independence of middle class morality Her independence required that she not be kept 21 22 See also Edit Sex portalAlienation of affections Cicisbeo Concubinage English royal mistress French royal mistresses Polygyny threshold modelReferences EditCitations Edit Mistress definition and meaning Collins English Dictionary www collinsdictionary com Retrieved 20 August 2020 MISTRESS definition in the Cambridge English Dictionary dictionary cambridge org Retrieved 20 August 2020 Oxford English Dictionary On line https www oed com view Entry 102971 rskey uFRXBr amp result 2 amp isAdvanced false Oxford University Press Retrieved 17 March 2023 a href Template Cite web html title Template Cite web cite web a External link in code class cs1 code website code help The Free Dictionary Mistress Retrieved 6 May 2012 Derrick Kiri 21 April 2011 Top 10 Philandering English Monarchs Retrieved 6 May 2012 Ives Eric Marrying for Love The Experience of Edward IV and Henry VIII Retrieved 6 May 2012 Palermo Martin The Three Ravens Retrieved 6 May 2012 Housman John E 1952 British Popular Ballads Ayer Publishing pp 105 106 Herman Eleanor 2005 Sex with Kings 500 Years of Adultery Power Rivalry and Revenge HarperCollins p 9 Williams George L 11 August 2004 Papal Genealogy The Families and Descendants of the Popes McFarland p 76 ISBN 978 0 7864 2071 1 Pope Alexander 1871 The works including several hundred unpublished letters and other new materials Volume 7 Murray p 106 Fielding Henry 1824 The works of Henry Fielding with a life of the author Volume 3 Richards and Co p 302 Johnson Lewis Jone Catherine the Great Retrieved 6 May 2012 The Literature Network Lady Chatterley s Lover Retrieved 6 May 2012 Rees Nigel ed Cassell Companion to Quotations 1997 ISBN 0 304 34848 1 There is some dispute about the exact wording man is not allowed to marry his mistress 5100 Quotesmith dead link has it as When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity John Simon s obituary of Goldsmith in the National Review 1 September 1997 says this Women adored him and he adored women He married three times and had numerous mistresses Yet another Jimmyism When you marry your mistress you create a job vacancy He was loyal in his own way to all of them and all of them were loyal to him He had eight children by four different women and never have I seen a more closely knit family Cleland John 1986 Fanny Hill Or Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure Penguin Classics ISBN 0 14 043249 3 BookRags Moll Flanders Research amp Encyclopedia Articles Retrieved 7 May 2012 Baker D L 2009 Tight Fists Or Open Hands Wealth and Poverty in Old Testament Law Wm B Eerdmans Publishing pp 151 160 ISBN 9780802862839 Dryden John Annus Mirabilis Archived from the original on 10 April 2012 Retrieved 7 May 2012 Richardson Samuel 1755 A collection of the moral and instructive A collection of the moral and instructive sentiments maxims cautions and reflexions contained in the histories of Pamela Clarissa and Sir Charles Grandison Printed for S Richardson and sold by C Hitch and L Hawes Hughes Annika M Mary Ann Evans and George Eliot One Woman PDF Retrieved 7 May 2012 Liukkonen Petri George Eliot Books and Writers kirjasto sci fi Finland Kuusankoski Public Library Archived from the original on 13 March 2012 Sources Edit BooksCronin Vincent 1974 Louis and Antoinette London HarperCollins Publishers Limited ISBN 0 00 211494 1 Mitford Nancy 1954 Madame de Pompadour London Hamish Hamilton Ltd Further reading Edit History of a Deeply Complex Word The Many Meanings of Mistress All Things Considered NPR 22 August 2015 Retrieved 23 August 2015 Sova Dawn B 2001 1993 The Encyclopedia of Mistresses London Robson Books ISBN 1 86105 387 8 OCLC 46503143 Retrieved from https en wikipedia org w index php title Mistress lover amp oldid 1148757880, wikipedia, wiki, book, books, library,

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